Are you guys crazy? (family friend)
Usually, we respond to questions from our sons, but this one was too good to pass up.
Let me set the stage. I was watching a high school baseball game - good weather, scenic backdrop, birds were literally chirping and the good guys were winning! It t was one of those moments when everything just felt right, when you know you are exactly where you’re supposed to be.
Somewhere around the third inning, a friend walked over to say hi. Fairly early on in the conversation, she asked if my wife and I were crazy. You see, we’re in the process of selling our house, planning graduation for our oldest son, and we purchased a second puppy (French Bulldog) for our youngest son. The sands are definitely shifting beneath our feet.
But I don’t think we’re crazy. I hope we’re just getting better at understanding what is important to us and what’s not, and that we worry less about appearances and more about doing what makes sense for our family.
Let me try to tie all of this together.
Puppy:
My sister and her husband have a tradition of buying a pet for each child on their tenth birthday. Their thinking is that it creates a lasting memory, brings joy and love into their home, and helps their kids learn about responsibility and caregiving. While we don’t share the tradition, I love the idea and this year we stole a page from their playbook. Our youngest son and middle school have not been a match made in heaven - great kid, great district, just not a great fit. He’s close to the finish line, he’s worked really hard and in many ways has turned things around. We wanted to recognize that with something special for his 14th birthday, so we added a second French Bulldog to our family (we’ve always been dog people and now we’re certified “Frenchie” people) Henry named him “Chapo” and he is a great puppy. Being a teenager is hard and teenagers are really hard on themselves; having a companion that thinks you’re awesome, all of the time, can’t hurt. Particularly when you’re not always so sure.
Graduation Party / Plans:
High School graduation is an important and emotional event (more for the transition is starts than the accomplishment itself). And all that goes with it, announcements, reservations, travel, gifts, dinners, parties, etc. can bring out National Lampoon level crazy in the best of families. So, why with all of that going on would we try to sell a house and buy a puppy? Because I know my son and I have a plan. To my shame, I under-recognized and under-celebrated his 18th birthday. (thankfully the very family that asked me this question gave him a wonderful party). After that I decided I wouldn’t make that mistake again, with any of our sons, and that I would be prepared and deliberate about the important events in our lives. I’ve already selected a gift; it’s not extravagant, but it will be meaningful to him. We’re planning a nice dinner with all of the people he loves, to recognize him. Then, we’re taking him and his friends paint-balling. He’ll be with all of his friends, they’ll have a blast and he’ll remember it. None of this involves our house.
Home Sale:
Starting last fall, Jack began visiting colleges and trying to determine where he would go. This is the process whereby young students determine their best fit college; big school or small, public or private, liberal or conservative, warm weather or cold, etc., etc. It involves reflection, self-awareness, budgeting, planning and hopefully some personal growth. However, I’m fairly certain the process was more instructional for me than it was for him. Here is what I learned:
He is ready to go (not dying to leave, just prepared) and that is simultaneously soul-crushing and rewarding
Just how much we would be spending to send him and his brothers to college; we’ve been planning and saving, but this really crystalized everything
That we wanted the financial freedom to visit him, and eventually Sam and Henry, for parents weekends, football games in the fall, baseball games in the spring and any other times they’ll have us. We wanted the freedom to see our boys in their environment on their terms (mostly)
In our case, this meant making some changes. Our house represents a big nut (for us) and I now I wanted a smaller nut. Solution…downsize!
So no, I don’t think we’re crazy. At least not for creating a puppy/home sale/graduation sandwich. I hope we’re just figuring things out…better late than never!
