What's your biggest fear as a parent? Henry

Him:

I think it is generally accepted that this is, statistically, the safest time in history to be alive. But, even the powerful laws of mathematics and logic are insufficient to quiet the daily, sometimes hourly worry a parent experiences. I’m no evolutionary biologist, but I think something deep in our brains is hard-wired to consider every possible, yet highly unlikely, injury, adversity or calamity that might befall our children.

When your children are small the dangers feel marginally less ominous but they’re literally everywhere; dirty surfaces, sharp corners, poorly designed toys, household pets, electrical outlets, playgrounds, etc. etc.

As your kids get older, or you’ve had your second or third, you realize they’re more resilient than you thought. Being soft, pliable, a little bouncy and unthreatening actually serves them fairly well. But then, their world expands - preschool, elementary school, play dates, sports and activities. Each of these brings its’ own set of fears to the parenting party. When your brothers first began bicycling around our neighborhood alone, I can remember your mom worrying that they might not be able to find their way back home. Our neighborhood was a circle - traveling in a straight line (even a wobbly one), or reversing course would have brought them safely home. Such is the mind of a parent.

Later, let’s say the middle school / high school years, things really get fun! Of course you have the usual suspects - social media, driving, exposure to drugs and alcohol, relationships, academics, acceptance into college and on and on. But, and this is where it gets interesting, a new and different set of fears also begin to creep in. Is my son gritty and self motivated? Does he have enough self confidence and self esteem to stand up for himself? Have we helped him identify and cultivate things he’s passionate about? What sort of belief structure, religious or philosophical, have we demonstrated and instilled? In other words, what kind of young adult are we turning lose on the world? I’m sure more evolved, farsighted, competent parents than me saw all of this coming around the corner, but not this guy. It’s funny, I knew it was coming, I just never thought it would get here.

So that brings us to my biggest fear. When your child comes into your life you’re almost immediately dumbstruck by their enormous potential; all that they have the capacity to do and be. Our job is to help our children harness that potential and use it to create the life they want to live. My biggest fear is failing in this regard. I’m afraid of burdening you with faulty expectations, of insufficiently exposing you to all the world has to offer, or of letting some small light in you that I didn’t recognize burn out for lack of attention. My biggest fear is letting you and your brothers down in this regard.

Her:

But…is he ready?

Tomorrow, I am taking my baby to kindergarten. But…is he ready? Does he know how to make new friends? Is he going to eat his lunch, or be too nervous? Did we go over how to get home, and did I promise to be always and forever waiting at his bus stop? How can I convey to his new teacher that he is an exceptional-perfect-gifted-baby child with out sounding like a crazy mom? Did we even COVER the Golden Rule, general public bathroom protocol, and how to be a good listener? Please God, I hope he is ready.

Tomorrow, my son is getting is his driver's license. But…is he ready? Did I mention enough times that if he EVER texts and drives, I would kill him? Does he understand the gravity of carrying his best friends in a moving vehicle at 60 miles an hour? Will he know what to do if he gets pulled over, encounters icy road conditions, hits a dog, or gets lost? Does he know with out a doubt that his priority is to be safe, and being late is just an afterthought? Please God, I hope he is ready.

Tomorrow, my son is going to a high school party. But…is he ready? Did I fully prepare him for the enormous gravity of peer pressure? Did I remind him to have fun, expand his social circle, make sure girls get safely to their cars, but dear Lord do not bust out an untested dance move? Does he know to be kind to everyone there, as there is a good chance his peers are dealing with immense grade pressure, parent pressure, drug pressure, college pressure and really all just need a good friend? Does he know that no matter what, I will come to get him, send an Uber for him, or send his brother to pick him up? (Because I just need him to get home safe?) Please God, I hope he is ready.

Tomorrow, my son is leaving for college. But…is he ready? How is his time management? Does he know how to find his way, advocate for himself, make appointments with his teachers and get to the med clinic? Is he ready for the intense pressure, unimaginable new freedom, unbelievable excitement, and hard challenges he will face on a daily basis? Will he call his mama? And does he truly know how much I am going to miss him and that I am more proud of him that anything in the world? Please God, I hope he is ready.

(Husband squeezes my hand as we lay down for bed…)

“He will be fine. He will figure it out. He is ready”

“Now try to get some sleep.”