How do you feel about participation trophies? Jack

Him:

Honestly, I’m a little ambivalent about this topic. Participation trophies have become the go-to example of the epidemic (if you listen to some pundits and experts) “softening” of America. A root cause of the physical and emotional fragility of young people today. Frankly, I don’t buy this.

Young people, even really young people, intuitively understand sport and competition. They know how their performance rates and ranks compared to their peers. They know when they’ve been given something they didn’t win or earn. They might like the medal, ribbon or trophy, but they understand why they received it. I’ve coached youth sports for thirteen years, and I can’t recall a single player who wasn’t fairly clear-eyed in their self-assessment.

I suspect these trophies have more of an emotional impact on the parents of the athletes and critics of the trophies. Some parents see them as an affirmation that their child, and by extension, they themselves are “#winning”. In fact, I suspect that people who run youth sports leagues, tournaments, contests, etc., began giving out participation trophies, at least in part, because they were tired of being badgered by unhappy parents. Kids aren’t soft, but parents whose egos are tied up in their child’s accomplishments might be. No judgment here; I’m as capable as next guy of falling into this trap. I’m simply making the case that the participation trophy problem might say more about our adults than our kids.

I also think this debate is built on a false premise; that today's young people are less determined, confident and resilient than in the past. Over the last fourteen years, I’ve enjoyed working with many high school and college age students and almost all of them have been bright, eager, earnest and capable. They’ve gone on to become doctors, attorneys, advertising executives, actors, scientists and more. I’m incredibly optimistic about their futures, and ours.

It’s an old story; the younger generation isn’t as this, or that, as we were. Mostly, I think it’s revisionist history.

Her:

Participation Trophies?....OK, can we please stop.

With three boys in lots of sports, we have seen some trophies and ribbons around our house. But let’s be honest kids- 85% of it is the “Yay! you showed up in matching uniforms and in no way could have won, but good for you, Buddy!” variety. Collecting dust on bedroom shelves and corners, they're mostly forgotten. Ask any one of my sons to tell you about a particular trophy, and their recall would be spotty, at best. Ask one of my sons about their favorite youth sports memory, and I can almost guarantee the word "trophy" never even gets mentioned.

Getting to participate, making the team, getting a uniform, a number, a starting spot (or a never-starting-but-supporting-from-the-bench-until-the second-half-spot) is the participation trophy. You get a mom and dad that clean your uniform! You get a ride to AND from every practice, game, and tournament. You get to go and you get to play on a team. You get to PLAY. That is why you are there. You may win, but you might not. You may get a trophy, but honestly, you probably won't... and that's ok kiddo. That's life.

"You play. To win. The game." Some sports guy said that once on some interview, and I can clearly hear my husband (always halfway jokingly) repeating that to my boys. I am not an athlete and have never been one, but yeah, I agree with that. Play to win. Play your hardest and don't hold back. Always expect your opponent to do the same. If you lose, walk away -empty handed- but feeling like you gave it your best. If you win, show sportsmanship and humility. Play to win the game. But seriously, don't be weird and play for the trophy.

Wow - that was so beautifully written I kinda feel like I should get a trophy. :)